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Girl Talk Thursday – dream dream dream

I’ve had vivid dreams for as long as I can remember dreaming. Most of the time, they’re harmless. In fact, a lot of my dreams are downright boring despite being surreal.

When I’m stressed, I tend to have nightmares more frequently—though usually not more than a handful of times a month. And I only have the kind where I wake and can’t get back to sleep a couple of times a month.

As far as bad dreams go, I don’t like to talk about the ones that involve my kids. I seem to either have those (infrequently) or more common scary dreams involving sharks/alligators/intruders. I’ve had weird “when animals attack” type dreams since I was a little kid.

(To this day, I’m haunted by a dream I had as a young child about my brother falling out of my Grandpa’s boat and sinking into the water. I’ve had many nightmares involving children/babies and bodies of water and I have a pretty solid phobia about kids near water as a result.)

One dream that stuck with me for years involved huge-ass dinosaurs arriving on the horizon over the mangroves behind my mom’s house. Another featured sharks that could swim through the asphalt on the interstate.

(Is it just me or is it super boring to listen to drawn out dream explanations? I always feel bad when George is telling me about a dream because I tend to absolutely zone out like six seconds into the story.)

I don’t have sex dreams super often, but when they do I always seem to wake up before the climactic uh, portion of the dream. On top of that, a lot of my sex dreams are with bizarre partners. Usually women I’m not actually attracted to. When I dream about men I actually go crazy at some point during the dream like OH MY GAWD I AM CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND and I screw up the dream. Sorry, McWangSteamy. Sometimes I have super hot sex dreams about my husband. So… go him?

(I wish I had more sex dreams. It’d be awesome.)

Do you dream?

Girl Talk Thursday

Big news! This is Girl Talk Thursday’s last week hosted on Mommy Melee. Stay tuned for news about Girl Talk Thursday’s new and shiny home.

This is your last week to play along for the next Eden Fantasys drawing. If you’ve got your eye on some sex toys, jump on board.

Girl Talk Thursday – rollin’ with my homies

I don’t get out with girlfriends often. It’s one of the biggest things I miss about working outside the home (and my life before kids.) When I do, even if it’s just an errand or a quick happy hour, I cling to the chick-time like it’s estrogen oxygen.

(Maybe that’s because I’m surrounded by wieners.)


Ten years ago, I never thought I’d say this, but I love shopping. My love of shopping is weird though. I love wandering through a mall and chattering and stopping to get food, but I hate shopping at a mall with a purpose, because the mission always gets neglected in favor of chattering and wandering. So! Mall time is best with no agenda.

If the agenda consists of actually finding clothes, I love wandering around big stores like Marshalls and TJ Maxx and then convening at the dressing room for an epic fashion show. I have a really hard time picking clothes and a girlfriend always helps me decide what is an “oh nay” and what is a “yay.”


I love going to dim sum with a chick friend. When I was pregnant, Andi and I went all the time. Totally miss this. A long, leisurely lunch or dinner with a bunch of chattering is pretty much the best thing ever. Besides drinking.


When I have a couple of drinks, I get really talky and cuddly. Happy hours almost always end up devolving into some sort of pseudo-serious talk. ( The talk usually seems absolutely ridiculous the next morning.) I love it! Girl Talk Thursday was inspired by the Friday evening Happy Hour dates I used to go on with my girlfriends in Gainesville. We’d sit around a bowl of chips at Don Pablos and bitch about our bosses and talk about blowjobs and confess to kissing girls.


I have some special rituals with my best girlfriends. Lauren and I drink champagne and watch Jesus Christ Superstar while slashing half the cast. (Look it up.) Then we invariably get all weepy and quiet when Judas cries. Then we fast forward the end so that Judas wears vinyl pants and everything is better. Except for the part (spoiler alert!) where Jesus dies. (We turn the DVD off and go to bed at that part.)

Meagn and I watch movies with cute boys and stay up all night talking about the cute boys. Or we endlessly fantasize about historic homes and hardwood floors and gourmet food and cute boys and my kids and her future kids getting married. Last time we hung out we walked all around a cute neighborhood and pretended to shop for apartments.

What do you love to do with your chick friends?

Girl Talk Thursday

Join up on the Mr. Linky with your permalink if you’re playing along with Girl Talk Thursday. The Girl Talk sponsor, Eden Fantasys, is giving a $25 gift certificate to one lucky participant drawn at random. (Nothing says true love like buying your chick friend some sex toys.)

True Story: One time, on a cover letter, I wrote about buying my chick friend a purple vibrator to match her car and her mag light. I got the job.

Girl Talk Thursday – bathroom routine

I don’t shower every day. I’d like to blame this on my kids, but to be honest I never have. Even as a teen I showered every other day or so. It always felt like a chore.

Once in a while I bathe for the sake of grooming/shaving or reading a book, but these days I’d say that occurs about once a month. (In college, I bathed so often I had a little book rack so I could study in the tub.) Every once in a while I treat myself to a Lush bath bomb or bubble bar if I’m taking a bath. Or, if I need to get sleepy, I use some Roman Chamomile, Rosewood and Lavender essential oils. Sparingly.

When I take a shower, I hate getting water in my ears. So when I rinse, I do this ear-cupping thing that consistently makes my husband point and laugh at me. This, along with the fact that we don’t have a walk-in shower and the tub is full of bath toys, means that we rarely shower together.

(I wish we still had a nice walk-in shower. For to have the sex in.)

In the shower, I cheat on my styling products. This is due to a short-attention span and an unfounded belief that hair gets bored with the same old products. Lately, it’s worse than ever. I’ve been alternating between two Lush solid shampoos and a normal drugstore brand. Sometimes I use a coconut-scented conditioner that I don’t even really like, and sometimes I use a Nexxus spray-in conditioner.

I wash my face with water most of the time. If I’m really oily I use a quick pump of the awesome Korres facewash I bought on sale last month. I use Irish Spring on my armpits and lady area. I don’t use any sort of loofah, but once in a while I use a big sea sponge with shower gel. Except lately because I’m out of shower gel.

I collect a bunch of random soaps. I adore soap. But I actually rarely use the soaps because I don’t like bar soap on my face and most fragrances irritate my vag. (I think it finally gave up and got used to Irish Spring, because God knows that stuff is about as gentle as Comet.)

My bathroom is loaded with a lot of stuff. I have a few moisturizers (I’m still using stuff from that crazy free makeup department store fiesta last Winter) but I don’t moisturize faithfully. Right now I alternate between that stuff, some Korres Wild Rose moisturizer, and Vanishing Cream by Lush. I brush my teeth with whatever happens to be next to the sink.

This is riveting stuff, I know. Have some pictures!

Girl Talk Thursday
What’s your bath/shower routine?

Join up on the Mr. Linky with your permalink if you’re playing along with Girl Talk Thursday. The Girl Talk sponsor, Eden Fantasys, is giving a $25 gift certificate to one lucky participant drawn at random. So you can buy a vibrator some massage oil to clutter your bathroom further.

Girl Talk Thursday – Music

Music has always been really important to me. I feel like a 14-year-old saying that, but it’s true. Maybe not any more true than it is for anyone else. There are many songs that hold a special meaning for me. Here are just a few:

Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills and Nash
She’s all that I have left,
and music is her name.

This song has always been a favorite of mine. Back in 1998, when I got a CD burner for Christmas, this song was on the very first mix I made. But this year it took on a new meaning. When my Grandpa passed away in March at the age of 73, my mother honored his wishes and did not hold a funeral. A few night later, I sat at a bar with my brother and played this song on the jukebox to honor him. He’d always loved it, and had named his small flats boat Music from a line in the song.

I Guess That’s why They Call it the Blues, Elton John
Don’t wish it away
Don’t look at it like it’s forever

When George and I were dating, we spent the summers apart. One year, we met for a weekend in Ft. Myers, which was more or less the halfway point between us. On the way home from the too-short weekend, I sang along with the radio and cried and cried and cried.

Groove is in the Heart, Deee-Lite
I couldn’t ask for another.
Good god. This is simply the best dance song ever. Ever in the history of the world. ‘Nuff said.

Freedom 90, George Michael
I won’t let you down
I will not give you up

This is my all time favorite song to boogie to. Nothing particularly meaningful. I just love it. I remember dancing at Full Circle in Gainesville on the last night it was open. They turned the fog machines on too hard, and I swirled and rocked and waved my hands in front of my face, amazed at the milky opacity. It was too crowded, and I was too drunk, and the whole world narrowed to a smoky pinpoint.

Only the Good Die Young, Billy Joel
I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints,
The sinners are much more fun…

As a child, this song made me uncomfortable. My favorite uncle died unexpectedly in his sleep when he was in his late 20’s. I was 12. When I heard the phrase “die young,” it made me think of him. But later, as an adult, I learned to love the song and it became a bit of a theme song for me and George, along with another Billy Joel song, You May Be Right. But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for... It was also the first song I did karaoke to.

Little Miss Magic, Jimmy Buffet
I see a little more of me every day
I catch a little more mustache turning gray
I sobbed like a child when I danced to this song with my dad at my wedding. He used to rock me to sleep to this record when I was a baby. It makes me wistful and happy but also makes me frustrated and sad over how complicated and oftentimes rocky our relationship is. In short: I will always, always crave my father’s approval.

Naked as we Came, Iron and Wine
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came.

This was on my labor and delivery playlist last fall when I had the Moose. He was born at 8:36 in the morning. During that day, as I napped in the gentle sunlight from the big window beside me, this song played again and again. It drowned out the sound of the hospital and it will always, always remind me of the first blissful, hazy day with my little son. The song is actually quite sad to me. I just love the gentle sound of it. (When did my baby get so big? SOB.)

Easter Parade, Jump Little Children
Is this what you want, is this what you need
she whispered in her ear
the day of love has come and are you awake?

It’s the summer between high school and college. I drive to Disney World with a friend and we camp out at Ft. Wilderness, sleeping on blankets in the back of a big SUV. The boys are older, and they get high by the campfire while a song plays on repeat over and over and over. It is night. I am free. And three years later I approach the bassist in the band, shyly, saying please, please can you play this song? And they do and I dance and I dance, palms outstretched.

Jumper, Third Eye Blind
Well everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away.

For reasons I honestly can’t remember, this was “our song” in 1998. It stuck, and to this day when we hear it, we exchange a private little smile. For the rest of my life, the sound of the silly guitar solo in the middle of this song will remind me of being 18-years-old and tumbling into a relationship that rocked me to the core. A love with terrifying ferocity and a great deal of turbulence. Plus, it’s a pretty song. Especially for such a shitty band.

So, what about you?

Girl Talk Thursday
Guys, please: If you hop on board the Mr. Linky, read your fellow Girl Talkers. Always leave a permalink, and please don’t spam my Linky if you’re not a participant. All participants are eligible to win $25 from Eden Fantasys, a sex toy website I love and write for.

Girl Talk Thursday – How do you unwind?

Lately, unwinding has been a major priority of mine—yet something I’ve been putting off night after night. When I do unwind, I have some serious go-to unwinding mechanisms though:

• A glass of red wine.
• A bath with bubbly stuff or essential oils.
• Cookies or prosciutto.
• Mindless, wonderful television.
• Getting out of the house without the kids. Except for grocery shopping. Cause ew.
• Phone time with a ladyfriend.
• Picking at blackheads.
• A shower.
• Masturbating.
• Closing my laptop.

It’s hard to stop what I’m doing. My brain keeps whirring and whizzing. There’s laundry on the floors and dishes in the sink. I need to soak the diapers. I have four emails from a client. I’m worried about a deadline. I’m hiding from my bank account balance. I’m planning the morning. I’m not even in bed yet and I’m sighing over how little sleep I’ll get.

Earlier this year I went to the gym regularly. At least twice a week. I haven’t been since March when I got a really bad cold that knocked me on my ass for three weeks. And then, once I lost the baby weight, I lost my carrot.

But I think I need to focus on my physical health a little more. It’s not about trying to look good, it’s about feeling good.

I need to make some goals. (But God, the goals and lists stress me out too.)

One step at a time, one breath at a time, inching forward. Inching forward.

Taking control of my health.

Owning my moods.

Stopping. Listening. Being present when I hear Mama. Being present when I’m nursing. Looking into their eyes and being there, with them.

Last night I sat at the dinner table between my boys. We blared the classic rock station and my older son asked what each song was about. “What is he saying?” I took a bite of shells and cheese, spooned a bite of baby food to the right, and smiled to the left, “He’s saying to take the long way home.”

I can do these things.

And tonight? I’m going to let my husband put his arms around me. My shoulders ache, my neck is sore. I still feel little aftershocks of fuck, what happened to me in Chicago and will this happen again? and I need to be held for an evening.



How do you reboot?

Girl Talk Thursday

Girl Talkers, it’s time to suggest the next round of topics. We have been doing this since March! Let’s make this a bigger thing. Let’s keep talking. The past month and half have inspired me. I don’t mean that in the Hallmark Card way. I’m very serious. Most of these topics end up being much more serious than I anticipated. My “fucking around” blogging day is often my “oops, this is a Thing now” day. And in case you were wondering if this is a For Real Thing, check out the awesome shout out we got on Blog Talk Radio last weekend in Chicago.

Don’t forget to sign the Linky and share the love. Many thanks to our participant prize sponsor, Eden Fantasys, for providing a gift certificate to randomly-drawn winners so they can buy sex toys or massage oils or whatnot.

Girl Talk Thursday – Weird Quirks

So, I’m off to Chicago. Hold me.

Tell me what your weird quirks are so I have something to read when (CROSSING FINGERS) I get a plane with WIFI on the way home on Sunday.

Here are a few of mine!

  • I bite my nails. FEROCIOUSLY.
  • I pick my toe nails. See also: ferocious.
  • When I’m sleeping I absolutely have to have a pillow between my knobby-ass knees.
  • Sometimes I slip into weird physical tics without realizing it. (Like picking something or twisting my clothes or hair.)
  • I love kippered herring, sardines, canned tuna and raw oysters.
  • I get hangovers REALLY easily. Like unfairly easily. Please do not buy me shots.
  • I have memorized all the female solo songs from Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar and Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera in case I get hit by lightning and magically learn to sing and also not want to puke if more than five people are looking at me.
  • I name things. Like, things that don’t need names. Such as cars and computers and socks.

Girl Talk Thursday